The gift of agency

Choice. nothing more liberating, nothing scarier. we can make the choices but the consequences we are given. yikes. Despite this, choice is the defining characteristic of humans, I choose when I wake up, who I speak to, what I eat and whether or not I call my mom. So I wake up with my alarm, try to at least smile to various passerbys and eating is never a challenge and my mom and I talk at least once, if not more, a day. Choice is everywhere. There are some choices however, that we do not have to really think about. Obedience being the first law of Heaven, for those dedicated to the Gospel of Christ, there are some choices which happen naturally. For the little 19 year old boys, the choice to go on a mission is something akin to putting on clothes or going to church each sunday, its just something you do because you the Lord's Prophet asked you to. But for me, as a 20 year old girl, I am approaching that 21st birthday and the questions have started. Am I going? Your sisters went, do you really want to break the trend? A boy just last night, when I told him I had a choice whether or not to go, replied, "no you don't, your sisters went, you gotta go to." Sorry brother. your words may have been kindly meant, but there were none which more perfectly demonstrate the incorrect means of deciding to serve the Lord on a full time mission. For us girls, we have a choice, we have been told to go if we feel so called, but if not, there is no obligation. May seem like an easy escape, but for those of us who really want to follow God's plan for us, it couldn't be harder. I always thought I would serve a mission. With sisters who have gone, and loved it, I thought it would be something that would be a natural decision. It wasn't. I prayed for the desire, the confirmation that it was the thing for me, but it just didn't come. I felt lost, my plans were getting skewed, and fast. So I considered not going, the guilt of not living up to my sisters' choices haunted me. That was the clincher, guilt is not of God. He does not shame us into making decisions, guilt is a tool of the adversary. So I had my answer. No, for right now. But the beauty in making a decision like this is that it doesn't just matter for this particular decision, but rather is teaches us how to stay close to the Spirit, teaches us to be humble and meek, willing to be entreated and taught. Choice. I've made my choice for the present and I'll continue to make choices, thank Heaven.